Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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