I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
