the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize