Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
