Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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