I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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