She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
