I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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