just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
