I want to stick my p in your. b.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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