she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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