I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize