walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
