My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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