when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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