I feel great
I just peed on a car
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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