My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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