i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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