Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
