Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize