Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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