the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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