we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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