He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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