im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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