then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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