I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
its liver damage thursday
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize