one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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