my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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