I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
