can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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