never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
