I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
