It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
