Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I am never drinking with the goths again.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
