How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
