he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
