Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
