Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
