areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
pray to the hookup gods
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize