all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
honey bunches of taint.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i think i just lost a toe
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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