The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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