He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
