she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
