I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We're too hungover to prance.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
try to milk me bitch
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
