You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
