I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
