You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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