I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
