watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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