Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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