FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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