I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
