are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
