i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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