I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
