He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
