im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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