My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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