I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
