Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
