Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
